Losing my Soulmate. Gaining his Gifts.

“This is long, but worth the read.🧡Grab a water & tissues. Easiest to read on a computer. 😌”

How does one prepare to lose their soulmate? Especially when it’s unexpected and sudden. I’m learning a tolerable technique to cope, is by focusing on everything you’ve gained during that treasured time together. At a very healthy 12, this loss felt extremely premature. Maybe my expectations for Simon’s lifespan were unrealistic, but the reality I prefer to live in is filled with hope, positive thinking, miracles and best-case scenarios. I truly and honestly thought our once in a lifetime love for each other, would save Simon. I could literally hear the chatter of people exclaiming, “Wow, his x-rays showed cancer all throughout his lungs but somehow the cancer panel came back completely negative. Jill loved his diagnosis away!”

My husband Evan and I adopted our beloved Simon a month after marrying in March 2011 from a park adoption event when he was barely 3 months old. I’ve always said it was as if I birthed him, he felt so mine! With the wiggliest butt, huge pit mix smile and a joy that burst from inside him, we immediately adopted our boy. This was the beginning of us experiencing and sharing Simon’s infectious way of proving, love at first sight, does exist!

But He Was Totally Fine

Up until 6 days before his death, Simon was a healthy, vivacious 12 ½ year old guy. He loved his walks and adored our hikes with sister Mila and foster sis Blossom. Most often, Simon was leading the pack with frequent stops to make sure Mama was still in his vision. With his reconnection to Mom, he’d happily hop forward with an excited bark down the trail.

You couldn’t keep him out of water either! He had impressive jumps off the side of the pool catching the ball mid air. Simon’s long gazette stride always made him faster than Mila and any Olympian jealous of his ease and form under water. Yup! You know I’d watch with goggles. He’d tread water in a lake during summers in Mammoth with amazed tourists photographing him. They’d ask how we got he and Mila to swim in sync side by side as they swam back to the shore. You can’t teach best friendship, they just did it.

It All Started With His Breathing

So, when Simon started to breathe a little heavy Sunday night, I thought it might be related to his slower pace during the weekend walks. The weather did just shift to a much hotter climate, he must be tired and affected from it. This short, labored breath maintained, leaving me panicked on fourth of July because our vet’s office was closed. I didn’t feel comfortable taking him to an ER vet I didn’t trust in the case he required something serious. I only wanted Simon to be in the hands of our vet that our family loves and has absolute faith in.

With no appointment Wednesday morning, before the office had even opened, Simon and I headed to our veterinary hospital. My sister called and I couldn’t even hold back my tears or anxiety surrounding the hypotheticals that were in our future. The contradicting feelings of wanting to know why or what was causing this difficulty in his breathing were the answers I needed to know, yet feared most.

We were kindly greeted and immediately escorted into a room. As I crouched in my typical squat position that allowed me to hug all of Simon’s body into mine, I knew whatever information was to come would either relieve or crush me. It was the latter. Again, these damn tears streamed down my face the moment our vet Dr. Slaton rushed in. I struggled to share how he’d been the healthiest, happiest, energetic senior dog up until that Friday. Simon’s inability to catch his breath made it difficult for me to catch mine. I asked if what was going on was attributed to age and he quickly assured me no, this was related to “something” wrong. My heart dropped. My heart broke. Yet my heart still felt it would be strong enough to cure anything threatening his precious body, a la care bear stare. (There has and always will be this magnetic, energetic band of love that connects our hearts together. I can physically feel it! 🌈 ❤️)

Dr. Slaton returned letting out a deep exhale. “Wait, why did you breathe like that? What’s wrong with his x-rays?!” I asked in a panic. “Ugh Jill, all this white matter throughout his lungs should be black. Best case, it could be a fungal infection… (a moment which felt like a month) worst case, cancer.” The dreaded answer nobody wants to know but needs to ask, “If it is cancer, how long would you guess he has?” He responded with regret, “With the way he’s breathing and lethargic energy, I don’t think he’ll make it through the weekend.”

It felt like I was in a movie, the saddest one I never wanted to star in, as my head fell into my hands because I didn’t want him or anyone in the office to witness my breakdown. In one sentence, my life with Simon was coming to an end, an end I refused to ever imagine happening.

The one thing left to grasp at was the fungal culture test in hopes that was causing inflammation in his lungs versus the cancer panel which would confirm his expedited expiration. And of course, lastly; miracles, magical healing and the deepest love ever known between human and hound. As we headed home, it was best neither Simon or I realized that would be his final ride, in his favorite car, catching wind in his gorgeous angel white face. I’m bummed I never got around to making that decal for his door that read, SAY HI TO SIMON & MILA. He spread so much joy to every vehicle that pulled up next to us over these 12 years smiling that huge Pitbull smile, lovingly woofing with the howls he’d learned from his Husky brother Luke and educating others how incredibly kind, silly and gentle his bully breed is.

The remainder of Wednesday my husband and I tried to wrap our heads around what the F just happened. We started Simon prematurely on an antibiotic and fungal treatment in hopes it was ‘just that’ and this scare would be a phew style relieved story down the road. In an effort to preserve our attention and strength for Simon, we agreed it was best to wait sharing with everyone the situation we were going through. The more people that know, the more people (without fault) are pulling our energy away from Si curious about updates, his health, ours… and all that we just didn’t have the answers or bandwidth for.

I did however call my close holistic healer friend Tanna because I was so deep in my fear of losing him and own sinking emotions, I’d lost my intuitive connection or ability to think positive. Knowing who to call for what and when, is something I’ve honed and thankfully gotten very clear and good at. The details of our many conversations are irrelevant, yet her gentleness, guidance and love allowed me to permit myself to feel without judgement, all the horrific emotions that swirled through me like a writer searching in a thesaurus for the variations of the word devastated. Tanna filled me with hope, acceptance, a connection to my intuition and inner knowing, plus the unconditional love that’s not just needed but fundamental in these times.

Wednesday Night News

An email came in from Dr. Slaton with the second opinion from the radiologist confirming his x-rays did indeed show cancer. Nooooo!!!!! Still to this moment of writing now, I don’t understand how? Why Simon? What could’ve caused the too common cancer diagnosis in my dog?! My baby! I do everything right. Everything preventative. AND, at that, everything holistic under the sun, which he got plenty of those life filling rays too! We cook their food, purify the water, I personally crafted a vitamin and herb regimen to support and again prevent illness with supplements like medicinal mushrooms, CBD oil, fish oil, silica, a joint complex and much more. They get movement, mama massages, adventures, stimulation and socialization from humans and dog friends and more love than one would think is possible.

Mila knows how incredibly loved she is! But Simon, her brother 3 years her senior is so confident with our connection, for example, he doesn’t, he didn’t, even get off the couch when it’s cookie or adventure time. He knows, Mom will walk it over to him and he’ll never miss out on a cookie, walk or anything he’d wish to be a part of.

Aside from the essential human needs, I did not leave sweet Simon’s side. I slept in front of his dog bed holding his face. I followed him to sleep on the cool stone floor and held his weakened body in the middle of the night as we made our way to the grass for a pee and was shocked as we returned inside, how that basic activity depleted all his energy and already exasperated breath.

Thursday Morning …

he moved to his newly desired spot in the dining room. Per usual, pillow in hand, I followed him with my lifetime desire to make him as comfortable as possible. I sat there with my hands on his hyperventilating belly feeling in sync with how I imagined internally he felt, exhausted by whatever was occurring in his body. Our beyond loving foster dog Blossom had been staying extra close these last few days with this morning amplified. She wanted to share his pillow with her only concern, how do I console both my foster brother and Mom? She managed to do so and remained there with him even after I left.

I sobbed to Evan, “I feel like I’m watching my dog die!” He sadly replied, “Baby you are.”

Denial

Even though time has passed, it’s still tough to write about this next part. Evan walked into the family room late Thursday morning with defeated posture from a heavy heart. “Jill. I just talked to Dr. Slaton. The tests haven’t returned yet. I asked him if we were just delaying the inevitable and he can’t say out right yes, but I believe we are. Simon’s exasperated breathing is so tough on his body and is only getting worse. We have two doctors confirming it is cancer in his lungs. It’s awful but we should bring him in and put him down this afternoon and end his suffering.” I was getting tired of this pattern of my tear-filled face falling into my hands.

I hysterically called my angel of a neighbor Lexie barely able to mutter the words, I think Simon is dying can you come over?! Her arrival was the first time in days my charming boy got up to greet someone. Just seeing him fill up with happiness over spreading his love, for a moment, lifted the crushing grief in the air. As Lexie cuddled Simon, Blossom cuddled Lexie. I couldn’t deny how much love enveloped this special dog. He was a magnet and spreader of joy, happiness and the most loyal devotion. Lexie’s had dogs and many animals her whole life and is truly the Italian mama everyone should be so lucky to have. In the softest, kindest words she sadly muttered, “Jill you have to let him go. His poor body is struggling. Honey, I’m so sorry!”

Even though my hubby, Lexie and the vet shared the same regretful sentiment, the glimmer of hope and a freakin’ miracle was still alive in my heart while I witnessed a fading Simon in front of me. I texted my dear friend Althea, a magical psychic energy healer with the doomed update. To Simon, she is auntie Althea and one of his favorites. He slept with her on our weekend away to Pismo beach, has enjoyed plenty of walks with her, lunch dates and sitting in on Mama’s healing sessions cuddled up on the couch next to Althea soaking up all the good vibes too. I held Simon’s face and told him to hang in there, she’d be here soon.

Visitors with a Love Delivery

With the late Thursday morning arrival of Auntie Taylor, Simon proved he shared all my friends. Taylor boards her horse at the same stables as our boys and stays with all our animals when we are gone. We trust her with our most treasured possessions and adore her genuine friendships and knowing of each of our nine fur babies. It was a no brainer she come by to, ugh say bye. Again, he mustered enough energy to walk over and greet Taylor wiggling his butt as a final exclamation point of just how much he loves her❣️

11am

We got him comfy and settled back on the couch with a pillow supporting his face. Althea and her kind husband joined us as she nestled right next to Simon, her hand not leaving his body for the next two hours. While time stood still for all of us, the movement of loving energy was electric. Five hearts circling Simon reminding him how incredibly loved he is with Mila nearby and foster sister Blossom always up in the mix.

Althea assured me he was not in pain or suffering. Yes, I’m witnessing my human experience of this but he is not just his body, Simon is his spirit and soul. The following words Althea shared I will be forever grateful for, “Today isn’t the day. He needs or wants something else before he goes. Please think about waiting.”

Feeling conflicted, I didn’t want to disagree with my husband or make him watch this deteriorating scene any longer but I just wasn’t confident to make that call. I decided to wait. With the tiniest glimmer of hope being overshadowed by despair I told Evan, “Maybe the test results will return and it’s just a fungal infection. Dr. Slaton put a rush on those two tests, hopefully they’ll return by tomorrow and with complete confidence provided from the results this decision will be clear.” He agreed to wait.

In reflection, I now know I put my hubby in a tough position because he already grasped what I was unable to see and accept. But ending your soulmate’s life is a decision to be absolute concrete certain of and this upcoming part provided that to me.

Thursday Afternoon Closure

With everyone gone, I took this opportunity to really tune into Simon, our relationship and what was it, that Althea said he wanted or needed? Those two things are what I excelled at, meeting the love of my life’s wants and needs. With the found clarity of my intuition and direction from both Tanna and Althea, I was able to slow down my breathing enough to clear my head and heart. I climbed into Si’s plush dog bed with our bodies completely intertwined. All these years, whether physically touching or not, we were and will always be, completely intertwined.

Like the most beautiful broken record stuck on the #1 hit, I repeatedly told Simon how much I loved him! I was flooded with a baker’s dozen of memories, adventures, his vast amount of family, friends, and super special aunties and uncles, our loving neighbor friends, to all our car rides to road trips… his blessed and full life was cathartic to recap with him. I really could hear him and feel the reciprocation of love and appreciation for this life we’ve gotten to live together. Live together is such an understatement. He’s made my life worth living. I’ve always said Simon is my battery charger and my oxygen. Anyone who’s cuddled him or even just pet Si guy has felt his healing energies. Some dogs have that extra special gift and man did he! 💖

I gave him healing in every form I’ve ever learned. We spent hours, he in my arms, me in his paws with our hearts touching and his short, labored breaths in my face. I tried with every ounce of faith to visualize and manifest normal breathing. I could hear the astonishment from his miraculous healing, “He had a double confirmed cancer diagnosis on his x-rays, could barely breathe, yet he is 100% back to healthy silly Simon. Jill’s love saved him again!” Yet on the other earthly hand, I also very clearly saw an at home euthanasia company performing that ceremony right here in our family room. I was grateful Simon sent me that message. Of course, he would want to be in the comfort of his home with his sister Mila, Blossom and the cats and rats.

We all know how this love story ends, so I’ll share, what I believe Simon had wanted and needed was that magical time we had together Thursday afternoon. Closure. Closure in this three dimensional world before we transitioned to sharing a spiritual life where time and space isn’t necessary to connect us. We have always spoke the same language and just got each other. I will be forever grateful Althea untied the bow to the gift of time and closure with my boo bear.

This all escalated so quickly and before I could wrap my head around it, I hadn’t even told all who loved Simon what was going on. It’s an exhausting process informing others while trying to also literally process these events yourself. Evan and I spent the evening talking through all of it, loving up Simon and knowing these minutes, moments, were limited and so treasured.

I Wish I Could Say Things Improved Over Thursday Evening

Rounding out the fourth night of sleeping by his exhausted snout, the short quick breaths were something I knew both of us couldn’t take for much longer. He’d barely ate his favorite rotisserie chicken for dinner and declined any cookies. Even though I know what this indicates, it was hard for me to swallow.

Friday morning my sister and mom said they were on the way to be here with us and for whatever was to come. Evan left to run a couple errands before they arrived. I was now alone with all my animals and a deafening silence only interrupted by Simon’s half second exhalations when I realized, I was completely in denial. Yesterday afternoon I truly thought my deep love, obsession, co-dependence, our connection – would save Simon.

I called Tanna distraught, “I’m in denial. I really thought a miracle would pull him through. He is dying and there’s nothing I can do. I’ve tried it all. I’ve scared Evan, he thinks I’m losing my mind believing that Simon could live and worried I’m not accepting reality.” Everything I needed to share and hear was provided. Friendship and community support all the things we go through in life and I’m grateful to have and still be leaning on my circle and accepting their love.

After showering I had this almost out of body, super present understanding that what I chose to wear would be most likely what I’d say goodbye to Simon in. I wanted to be as comfortable as possible so not one thing pulled my attention away from him. Loose pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt with a huge Pitbull face declaring they will steal your hearts. With my heart out of my chest and fully living in Simon, I couldn’t have agreed more.

With barely 24 hours having passed attempting to digest Simon’s unwanted fate, I hadn’t had a chance to inform many family members or close friends what we’d been going through. I barely understood, or accepted it myself. I sent a few texts and limited my calls because I knew this time was precious and I wanted to be all his.

Knowing my mom and sister’s arrival was close, I wanted Si to pee one more time so he could just remain settled and cozy on the couch. Reality sank in as his body sank further in the sofa as I tried to help lift him up. How quickly his energy depleted these last few days leaving essential life tasks, a true task. I swooped my arms under his quick breathing belly and gently lifted him to his feet. It took Simon several steps to gain balance as I duck walked behind gently supporting his body.

Just the week before he and sister Mila were running the trails near our home and now, he required Mama’s assistance to help him return and get up the two steps at our back door. He didn’t even have enough energy to make it a few more strides to the couch. The moment his paws connected with the cold stone floor he plopped down with his signature arms out lay. I put a pillow under his head and gave Simon the time to “catch his breath” and take a deep breath of my own knowing what these signs were signaling.

We have a tremendous number of cute nicknames for Simon. One well deserved being, “The King of Cozy.” As I assembled said King of Coze back to the couch, foster sis curled up behind him melting her head on his butt. Mila sat on the other side of me sandwiching in all this love for her brother of 9 years. She was unsettled already knowing what Mom was finally coming to terms with.

Sitting there with my first-born doggy son, I kept hoping we’d get a return call from the vet’s office with miracle results from his fungal and cancer panel. Nothing yet. But a mini miracle did manifest when my sister Stephanie and Mom walked in. Simon slung himself off the couch as if magnetically drawn by love, friendship and the deepest adoration to greet them as he always had. Butt wiggles, a tail so happy it can only swing in a circle and nuzzling his face into theirs in all attempts to express just how happy he was they were here.

Mila, Simon and I do many sleepovers at my moms, Nana to them, and they are very bonded to her. Simon can’t get close enough to my sis, often times putting his paws on her shoulders trying to hug her. He knows she’s the closest DNA match to his Mama and adores her!

Having fresh ears listen to his abbreviated breath affirmed this was a dog, who was dying. With a final sliver of hope, we called the vet office inquiring one last time if the test results were in. Knowing what the outcome of these results symbolized, with so much compassion Ashley said they most likely wouldn’t return for another day or two.

With all but the cats gathered in the family room; Evan, Mom, Stephanie, Mila, Blossom and our two rats felt the heaviness of what this meant. There wasn’t anything else to hold out for when we could see right in front of us, no test results mattered at this point. Simon now needed his mommy and daddy to help him release from this life and join Luke, Giuseppi and Ratoni in animal heaven. We all broke down agreeing what had to be done while knowing in our hearts, this was the most thoughtful, final gift to Si Si.

All the Angels Aligned to Make this Next Step Truly a Blessed Transition

Tanna recently put down her handsome cat Boo Boo and sent me the lovely doctor’s info who was available to come within just a few hours on a Friday evening. Accepting what was to come, every single moment with Simon was sacred. With plush blankets laid out, crystals surrounding him and most of his favorite people pouring all their love into him, this was the most beautiful sendoff there could be.

I even brought Miriam and Susie, his rat sisters, over to say goodbye to the brother they had so loved using his body as a jungle gym when we’d all cuddle in bed.

We facetimed with auntie Christine and uncle Stephen. Our lovely neighbor Lexie returned to give him one last pooch smooch. And Simon did in fact muster his gentleman strength one final time to kiss and thank her for being such a good friend to him. He experienced the full definition of being showered in love.

It’s a very odd, unfamiliar feeling waiting for a euthanasia doctor to arrive. On one hand, I just wanted Simon’s exhaustive breathing to be relieved of him but with that comes finality. Dr. Chan walked in and even under these circumstances, I was so proud to introduce my dog because he has and always will be the most adorable, charismatic, happy and sweet boy. I always knew whoever’s path he crossed, their day would be made better. She kneeled down joining our pow wow lending a calm, comforting presence. Learning Dr. Chan was formerly an ER vet prompted me to show her Simon’s chest x-ray seeking one final affirmation I was about to do the right thing.

This was now the third vet who immediately saw cancer spread throughout his lungs. She described it like this to me, “Imagine you fill a sponge with water but do not squeeze it out, that’s like Simon’s lungs. There’s very little space to breathe. Even if you did a form of treatment or even more tests, he wouldn’t survive this. You are absolutely doing the humane thing for him.”

I’m thankful making this decision became clearly evident to me and without a doubt now, I know this was what had to be done for my love Simon.

The Main and Oh So Final Event

It was time and we all naturally scooted closer to each other with shoulders and knees touching. With my hands under his precious face, Evan’s hand on both my back and Simon’s, my mom and sister huddled in, we collectively felt and heard the sedation relieve the 5 days of difficult breathing. They witnessed his body relaxing as I physically felt the weight of his head become one with my supportive hands. The hands that cradled his face multiple times a day throughout his twelve years of life, affirming, “You Simon. It’s you! My favorite thing in the world Simon, is you Bubba!” He knew it up until his very last breath.

Dr. Chan placed her stethoscope on his chest and said the words we all dreaded but knew gave him peace. “He is gone.” Our tears and sobs kicked into a higher gear as we held hands, hugged, kissed Simon and all finally sighed knowing, Simon may have lost his breath but gained his wings. He truly was an angel dog walking this earth and I strongly believe he’s an angel protecting and infusing joy and happiness in all of us. When your eyes catch something white, smile and know Simon is there with you. Simon died on July 7, 2023 at 6:38pm. If you’re into numerology, you’ll love this as much as I did. His death date: 777 (angel numbers) and the time adds up to an 8, which is the infinity sign. He is with me for eternity. I know we have shared every life time together! For the remaining duration of this life, he will be present with me in spirit.

I learned dogs release necromones, a type of pheromone or chemical communication when they die. I saw this communication strike Mila in real time as we moved Simon’s body onto the cute little dog stretcher. She came right up to him, sniffed intently, then her eyes squinted as she processed what she smelled and gave him a few caring licks. She never licked him like that before. I cut a few of Simon’s wonderfully white whiskers that had daily brushed my face as we cuddled. I loved seeing that snout and whiskers resting in the car bed. His ashes were requested along with a print of his paw and perfect nose. I’m not sure what I’ll create with it yet, but I know whatever it is, will be perfect like him.

Simon’s physical body drove away with Dr. Chan while his spirit already lived on so strong inside me. The four of us walked back inside numb. Did that really just happen? Wednesday diagnosed, Friday evening gone? WTF?! It was oddly peaceful knowing Simon himself was at peace. He was surrounded by intense love, respect and his human/animal family. Had we not humanely put him down, I don’t believe he would have made it through the night Friday.

This experience has been surreal. My friend Gia told me the definition of trauma is when a highly emotional event occurs too fast to process. I get that Simon is no longer with us, but I also, don’t get it. His physical absence hasn’t fully sunk in. To be honest, there’s a part of me scared to really accept he’s gone for fear of how deeply it will hurt. To be even more honest, there’s a part of me scared that I’m doing better than myself and everyone thought I’d be because I am so beyond filled with gratitude for the life he lived and that we got to live it together.

Simon was 12 ½ years old. This has been published in August and this December he’d be a teenager! 13. I was planning on throwing him a Bark Mitzvah! Hey- maybe I still might in his honor. His full name was Simon Billy Beanstein. My Jewish boy.

Moving On Without Him 🤍

There’s one thing certain about death, it makes you get very present, raw and clear. You can’t hide anything behind death. Death strips you down to the real you. Death puts everything into perspective. And if you allow it, death can be the most beautiful teacher, gift and lesson in gratitude. In this particular loss, I have an abundance of gratitude that lifts the heaviness in my heart with a content feeling of, “Wow. Countless ways I myself and others were blessed with Simon!”

Inspired by Simon 🌟

Simon’s full life inspires me even further to live mine bigger, more authentically, unapologetically, playfully, with excitement, adventure, more naps (LOL) and to receive just as much enjoyment from a simple car ride to a massive road trip. His departure has been overshadowed by everything I’ve gained sharing our lives together.

As early as I can remember, I’ve always loved animals and been involved in their care in one way or another. But Simon broke my heart and eyes open to the world of rescue, shelters, volunteering, advocating, and ensuring the products I use and foods I consume do not harm animals or negatively impact their lives. The saddest realization was what a misjudged breed he and his sweet sister Mila are a part of. Simon inspired my husband and I to foster 7 pitbulls who all stole our hearts. I’ve made lifelong friends through the variety of animal rescue volunteer work I’ve done. Animals are our greatest teachers.

I have endless appreciation and gratitude to Simon for gifting me with these passions to help his furry friends. Being of service really provides the giver with the blessings of purpose, happiness and getting out of your own way by being part of the bigger world. Thank you for this sweet Simon boy.

Finding Peace and Contentment

I truly treasured every moment of the last 12+ years. My identity has been tied to being Simon and Mila’s Mom. Any place I could take them or experience we could share, they were literally my left and right hand dogs! I always have Simon, Mila and all our animals effortlessly at the top of my mind. All the following things I do for them, have encouraged me to do more for myself and human loved ones as well.

What would make them most comfortable? Keep the babies cool or warm? I make sure water’s available no matter where we are. Bring a nice bone for longer car rides. I invite anyone we see to say hi because he enjoyed nothing more than showing others how lovable his breed is, and wow, he has SO MANY FRIENDS! Simon touched countless lives.

This dog was not a dog, he was a happy healer of a hound.

I know I could not have been a better mommy or friend to Simon. This provides me with so much peace. He had a rich life! And that’s what life is about; filling it with the treasures of memories, lessons and heart bursting love that expands past this one lifetime. Our souls continue on with these knowings and feelings, not the tangible things acquired that we can’t take with. Simon knew and taught this to anyone open to receiving the message.

He lived in the moment. He expected everyone to be as excited to see him as he was to see them. He didn’t hold on to past traumas or grudges, he chose to be happy. He thoroughly enjoyed the little things as much as the big. He also knew when his battery ran low and would put himself to bed or find a cozy spot on the couch to rejuvenate himself with no explanations.

Everything I wanted to do with him or experience, we did. Well, except marrying him. He did ask though and of course knew the answer. ❤️

Everyone did!

Because of all this, I can let him go without any regrets. Even our last walk, happened to be just me and Si. I let him walk at the pace his breaking down body was at, while smelling every single thing he desired. I did not know that Saturday night walk was IT, but how grateful I am I listened to that voice inside that told me, ‘just give Simon a special walk with only you and let him have it the way he wants’.

What a lesson in applying those gut hits or intuitive gems to our own lives. Guidance, support, that inner knowing, universal love… it’s all there for us if we slow down enough to be aware and open to call on it. Again, grateful this practice was deepened with Simon by my side. He has been an amazing spiritual teacher. With him crossed over now, a new skill set is developing. 💫

He often shows me the number 11 and his “infinity love” death number 8. Even more special, he sends me feathers. Like, A LOT of them!

Watch the magical signs from Simon HERE ✨

Control What You Can

The one certain thing we all have no control over and in common, is death. What we do have absolute control over is how we spend our precious time, energy and love. That is all up to us. If you’ll have him, Simon is there to be your guardian angel dog spreading his joy, wonder for the world and unconditional love. Go live your life in a way that leaves nothing unfinished on the table so when you do die, you have no regrets and leave your loved ones so full of beautiful memories it bandages their hearts with gratitude and love.

Simon You Are the Love of My Life 💘

I wouldn’t trade in this heartbreak because even just one day with you has made it all worth it. Our souls are forever together until we are physically together again! I love you with every fiber in my body and sparkle in my soul.

The Photo Montage…

Yes, It Got Out of Control. LOL 😂

I was going to include just a few of my favorite pictures of Simon and literally every photo is my fave. So, here we are. May they make you smile, laugh, inspire you to LIVE BIG, heal you and anything you’re going through and pass along his exuberant zest, vibrancy and unconditional LOVE!