“How’s it goin’?” – “Good. You?” – “Yeah good too.” Small talk is such bullsh!t. We aren’t really asking each other truly how we’re doing. Plus on the other hand, no one answers honestly anyways. And if you do, the other person gets uncomfortable and responds with the cliché, “Well ya know everything happens for a reason.” Then I’m sure you’ll figure out the reason why I kicked you in the balls.
We feel obligated to give bullshit responses and chat about the dumb ass weather for 10 minutes before having any smidge of a meaningful conversation. Yes it’s hot, yes it’s nice, what kind of jerk doesn’t enjoy warm weather. Oh there was traffic during traffic hour and you’re annoyed. Get the heck over it and listen to some music. And please stop chatting in the damn bathroom. Don’t look under the stall and compliment my shoes, don’t ask if my pee stinks after asparagus also. Men making small talk at the urinal is just weird. Hey man I’ll hold your junk if you hold mine.
The worst- So what do you do? I’d like to know so I can judge you based on what you do for money. Or if you’re a Doctor ask a bunch of questions about my poor health and questionable blisters. Oh you’re a comedian, tell me a joke.
You can use inappropriate small talk to your advantage. Most people are asking lame surface questions that don’t help you get to know the other person at all. I like to take it a step further and divulge something embarrassing or private about myself. Then make small talk about that. Statements about virginity loss, the effects of last night’s curry, the time my girlfriend flashed the bouncer to get into the club…ya know the fun stuff that happens to us all but no one speaks of.
Let’s all stop talking out of our asses about crap no one cares about.
Tweet me your favorite way to combat small talk! @JillAnenberg
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